Cranial Compulsions

I read an article that states Prozac is being taken in such large quantities in Britain that it has entered water supplies.

I find this more than mildly amusing. I have to wonder if it isn't some conspiracy by the government. I can almost imagine a bunch of stody Englishmen sitting around having cigars and scotch thinking of a way to help the people of Mother England.

"I know...let's add Prozac to the drinking water. It'll go great with the flouride."

Healthy teeth and "shiny happy people holding hands"! What a thought.

Down in the Frumps

I'm feeling frumpy today. Tired and frumpy.
I guess I could throw in fat as well, but that's a little too obvious.

But as Marilyn Wann says, life is too short for self-hate and celery sticks.

I guess I feel better now.

Pimpy the Penguin

Ok, I wasn't going to come out of my non-blogging hole with just anything so when I heard reference to this on the radio this morning, I just had to share it. A little something for posterity's sake...

Penguins engage in what seemingly amounts to prostitution.

Female penguins require rocks to build their nest. Evidently these rocks are a scare commodity in Antarctica. Because of this, female penguins secretely abandon their lovers in order to offer their "services" to other single penguin males. After they've done the do, the male pays the female with some pebbles from his stock. The female drags the pebbles back home and continues working on her nest.

It doesn't always have to be sex. Often a little cuddling is enough for the female to be able to collect her pebble. Fiona Hunter, a zoologist, once watched a female collect 62 pebbles without getting laid. That's gives new meaning to "getting your rocks off" I guess.

I always thought there was something a bit strange with these birds. They can't fly and they choose to live on a huge ice-cube.

Now, I find out they're 'hos to boot. It's too funny for words.

Where Did the Time Go?

I just realized that it's been 2.5 weeks since I last posted anything even remotely newsworthy.

I'm feeling somewhat inadequate. I can't even keep up with my own journal.
Gee...how pathetic! :)

What have I been doing anyway?
I'm been workingbitchingeatingsleepingfuckingcomplainingstressingworkingbitchingeatingsleeping
fuckingcomplainingstressing, etc. and etc.

Yep, that about sums it up.
Hehe.

Poetry Electric

Posting that poem reminds me...

Of a time when I would create wonderful, deep poems and post them on an "Open Mike" poetry site belonging to a friend. Because I created and posted the moment inspiration struck, I thought that they were somehow permanent. It happened so fast and I neglected to make copies or write them in my journal.

And so...I lost them all to the churning wasteland of the great recycle bin of cyberspace

Lesson learned...write them down. Makes copies. Whatever so it doesn't happen again.

Poem of the Day

Here's a little poem for you. I wrote it 4 years ago. I think that it encompasses how I feel today. Somehow - sad and caged within a moment, but wishing to be washed clean of the stress and heavy frustration - and thus break free. Or maybe it's that I'm just thinking about the rain that we've had for a couple of days now. Who knows. :)

So Like Rain...

so like rain wash me away
through gutters and drains
down storm pipes
away from the middles
to the very edge

like streaks across your
glass let me settle and cloud
the world from your view

let me conduct
the melodious drama
of the chorus of wipers
chanting to some deity
prayers that our ears
cannot hear

let me wash
over you as you
run to avoid each drop

you did not see me anyway
so like rain wash me away too

6/27/00 4:59PM CMT

Hobby Holly

Maybe I just need to get a hobby.

I could start cross-stitching again,
but it pisses off the carpal tunnel.

I could start writing my poetry again as hubby suggested,
but I'm not feeling very inspired.

I could start breeding my little dog, Meko,
but she might get mad at me for whoring her out for $$.

I could learn how to sew and make curtains for the house,
but then I'd have decorate the rest of the house first.

I should start something fun, useful, and cool,
but then I'd have nothing to bitch about in my blog.

Hehehe. :)

Midweek Check-in

Well, it's Wednesday.
At least I think it's Wednesday. Already this week the days are having that squished-runtogether feel to me. There's just so much going on (as here always is) that I'm unsure as to what or when anything is. Maybe it's lack of sleep. Maybe it's poor eating habits. Maybe I just need more vitamins.

Who knows.
I'm just feeling tired, stressed, overworked, underpaid, neglected, ignored, etc. etc. ad nauseum.

And to think...it's only Wednesday (I think). :)

TGIF

It's finally Friday. The work week is wrapping up and I'm looking forward to the weekend. I don't have anything more exciting than sleeping in planned. But, it will be nice to get away from a computer for a few days.

We're trying to decide how to spend our evening.
We have a good friend in town for the weekend. He's asked if we can get together to do something together today. We haven't seen him for a while so it should be pleasant to catch up.

The boss threw a whammy at me yesterday. I had to lead an unexpected training session. He said that I was a "really descent human being" for doing him the favor. I just hope he remembers that today when I try to sneak out early. Hope those checks are ready and on time today! :)

I Suffer From Blog Envy

OMG! the guy that writes this blog is so funny. I definitely suggest a peak through the archives for volumes of "Steve, Don't Eat It!". Some are gross, but all are funny. I guess I just have a sick sense of humor.

I'm suffering from a case of blog envy.

Too bad I never get any spam messages offering to make my blog "harder, faster, longer, bigger, or better".

The Conculsion to 5ive Days

Well, the miniseries is over.

All in all I will say that Sci-Fi did an admirable job of keeping me entertained and engaged throughout the 5ive Days Til Midnight miniseries. I was quite pleased.

I still think the "bad cop" routine is overtired and overused. Overall, I'm glad that I watched it and stuck through til the end. This is the first prime time television I've watched that didn't include painting, surgery or babies.

Burn the Fat Kids?!?

File this under "What the Fuck?!?". I'm not even really sure how to respond other than to say that I'm pissed off about it.


Found this one of my favorite blogs -->On 'Tough Crowd' @ Comedy Central.

One of the topics on the show was fat children, and the show was generally just a lot of bashing about how they should be made to suffer for their own good. The same old shit.

At the end of this show, Judy Gold, suggested that a solution to there being so many fat American children is that they should be SET ON FIRE because the burning process would make them lose weight, and that its just FUN to watch them die that way.

I wish I were making this up. Americans have now been whipped into such a irrational genocidal hatred of fat people that so called 'comedians' are actually screaming that fat American children be BURNED ALIVE FOR THEIR ENTERTAINMENT, and the crowd CHEERS IT.

Comedy Central is certainly no friend to fat people, getting much of thier material from the humilation of fat people or fat comics who gladly humilate themselves. But its frightening and telling that given a chance to review such a horrifying endorsement of genocide against our own children, they aired those horrible comments anyway.

5ive Days to Midnight

I usually don't get into who'dunits, but an original miniseries from SciFi has been occupying my time this week. A physics professor receives a briefcase, presumably from the future, detailing his murder. He has 5 days to discover who wants to kill him and prevent the murder -possibly?-.

I know that the "back to the future" and "you can't change death's design" plot points have been covered before, but I still find it interesting. There is a lot of questioning and science that has come up while watching it.

Parellel realities, altering the outcome of the future and how that might ripple through time. In a way, it almost appears as if these things need to happen the way they are unfolding for a reason: maybe he needs to know about the murder to precipitate events that hinge on the future. People have come up with some interesting opinions on who's responible and what is all means. With SciFi putting the evidence on their website, there a many trails to follow and it's been entertaining to say the least.

My hubby probably thinks that I'm bonkers. I've spent a good deal of time looking through the "evidence" on the website and reading theories on the message boards. There is a lot of misleading information to keep you guessing.

I guess we'll find out how it all comes together when the series concludes Thursday night.

Another Day...Another Dollar

It's Monday. Again.

It never ceases to amaze me how quickly the weekend can slip by. I don't feel rested. don't feel rejuevnated. I only feel stressed and exhausted at the beginning of yet another work week.

And what a work week it promises to be!
Lots of crap to catch up on, unhappy clients all wanting something from me, a dozen websites in various states of production requiring attention in some form or another. Oh, and let's not forget the myriad of personal and family crisies that have jumped on the bandwagon for good measure.

Well, at least I got my coffee this morning. I guess it could have been a lot worse. :)

Kids and Plus-Sized Clothes

Growing up fat was a pain.
Shopping for clothes was absolute torture. All the "husky" sized items were ugly with a capital "U". The salespeople were often unsympathetic and/or rude. I would most often be at the point of tears as I sent back yet another shapeless paper-bagesque ugly item over the dressing room door.

It fucking sucked to grow up fat.

I was transported back to that time in my life when I read this little gem. The premise is that having plus-sizes for kids legitimizes obesity. WTF?!?

Let's define what the "husky" size is, shall we? For boys, it's about 2 inches more room at the waist. For girls, it's three. So a beautiful little girl with a chunkier middle than her peers is degraded to the term "husky" for three measly inches.

Parents feel that having a wider variety of clothing enhances self-esteem. I would happen to agree with them. I know that had my clothes been more appealing I might have gone out more and participated in more activities with my friends. You can't very well have a full and active life if you are ashamed to be seen in what you are forced to wear. There just weren't the options that they are now.

I'm still fat. I still have a hard time finding clothes that fit the way I want them to. But, I've had 29 years to adjust, adapt, and accept it. I'm fat because I'm fat. So there.

The tortured little girl inside of me still cries sometimes, but these days she's just as likely to give the world the middle finger, with a smile - without a blame, without shame.

And...I have to smile a little wider on days like that.

A Ping and a Pong

Do you ever feel like a ping-pong ball?
Getting batted back and forth between two equally menancing foes.

Well, that's been my day today. I had a laborious meeting first off this morning that lasted about 2 hours longer than it should have. That sapped what little energy I had stored up to get through the day with. Now, I don't have the energy to get everything that I need to get done finished.

I've had more interruptions than I can count. I think that I've had 4 or 5 phone calls for varying degrees of customer support in the last hour. Most of them silly, stupid stuff that I really didn't need to be involved in. If they'd just take a minute to look over their work, we wouldn't be having this conversation.

Take this one client for instance:
She makes the same mistakes over and over and over again. At least once a week (and three times today, mind you) I get an email rehashing the same problem.

Now, I'm getting phone calls from other people in the office about the same stuff as well.

The problem is simple --> She cannot seem to copy and paste a filename correctly when creating links. If the filename has little letters in it, that means that it won't work with big letters. The order of the the words in the filename *is* important. You can't just make shit up as you go along without some repercussions.

I guess my mood is bitchy and I am short on patience today, especially when this isn't the first time the issue has come up.

Tomorrow is Friday. Payday. The only day worth having with the week I've had.

The Disease of a Diet

So, I read this little piece about how "yo-yo" dieting harms womens' immune systems. Not only that, but it seems to reduce the body's natural killer cells that help protect us from nasty things like colds, infections, and cancer.

So, let's review:

1. It's bad to be fat.
2. It's bad to lose weight only regain it.

But, don't most people end up regaining their weight lost anyway???
Sounds like a crapshoot if you ask me.

Damned if you do. Damned if you don't.
I'll think I'll have that bacon sandwich after all.

WAAAA....

I want a summer vacation.

Things sure were simpler when all we had to do was make it until June to have nearly three months of freedom. I know that I could definitely appreciate that much time off these days. I don't even need 3 months. 3 days with no obligations and plenty of food for foraging in the house and I'd be set.

When I Should Be Working...

Here I am blogging.

But at least I know I'm not the only one.

In any case, today finds me with a major ebb in energy and a crest in exhaustive irritability. It's already Wednesday and I feel as if the week is slipping by. Of course that doesn't mean that the deadlines get swept away when the week is done.

Nope. They are right here. Leering over my shoulder with their fetid breath. The joys of office life. I thought that I'd finally be able to have a week where I can actually get some work done. But no...3 meetings and an unexpected project falling into my lap.

I'm not cut out to produce websites. It's just one of the hats I've ended up wearing as a consequence of 9/11. When you cut the staff to bare bones, I guess you have to stretch those left as much as possible to fill in the gaps. I just wonder where the breaking point is.

I could call myself lucky because my boss *does* actially do some work. I know that there are others in my situation that have no recourse.

I also know that I can consider myself lucky because I have a job. It's unfortunate that not everyone woke up this morning to find the same true for their situation.

To the unemployed masses: As Monster says, It may be today. Keep on keeping on and good luck.

As for me, I'll try to stop bitching...at least for a few minutes. :-)

Maybe if I stop whining...I can actually get some work done.

Barbeque and Babies?!?

I'm quite glad that this week is coming to an end. It hasn't been too hectic this week, but I'm still pretty drained. I'm looking forward to a bit of rest and relaxation this weekend.

We don't have any Memorial Day plans. I'd love to crash a backyard BBQ though. I am craving the taste of a juicy grilled hamburger and a hot dog. That's the kind of food the kick-off to summer deserves. But, alas...if I get a burger, it will most likely be drive-through.

That's just so un-American.

---

I've been thinking about what I want out of life. I'm almost 30 - I guess I'm a "grown-up" now. I have a job. We have a mortgage. We have lots of bills to pay.

But, somehow the "grown-up" things I want the most (BABIES!) don't seem to be very close to happening. My rationale is that if you wait until you have enough money to have babies, you'll never manage to get around to doing it. Our parents managed to raise us on much less than what we currently make. We have friends and family that do it.

Why couldn't we?

I will admit, we *are* closer to parenthood today than we were a few months ago, but it still isn't close enough for me sometimes. I say throw caution to the wind and let those spermmies run wild to catch my very fickle eggs.

No barriers. No birth control. No problems.

My hubby doesn't quite agree. At least not just yet. We're supposedly working on a plan. Hopefully, our journey to parenthood will start at the beginning of 2005. Note to hubby: And I mean January, buster!! :)

He has a much more easy-going - "let things come as they may" - personality. I'm more like "I want it and I want it now". Aries certainly are known for their patience. And I won't tolerate anything or anyone compromising the plan.

Of Coffee and Coupons...

I feel so sneaky.

I managed to get an extra coffee out of my hubby this week. We had a nice coupon from a new place offering a free coffee and bagel when you bought one. After a little bit of convincing (and lots of leftover ham from dinner - great on morning bagels by the way) that coupon got us breakfast, and consquently me my coffee, this morning. And it sure was good! I will definitely have to do try that "trick" again.

Lack of Political Motivation

I read a lot of blogs. It's what I do when I'm supposed to be working. And I've noticed how everyone seems to have an opinion when it comes to politics. But, politics seem so boring to me. It's not that I don't care. I do care but it seems to only be when my rights are getting squashed by right-wing conservative men.

I am Generation X - apathetic to the core, until you start raining on my parade.
Am I proud of my apathy? Probably not. It's *my* politics as usual.

So typical.

Lotta Lattes

Why is it that when all I want to do is stay home snuggled under the covers next to my dog Meko I have to go to work. With too little sleep...not nearly enough coffee.

Speaking of coffee...my husband has declared that he is officially cutting me off. You see - I have a habit, an addiction to the stuff even. There's this really cool coffee kiosk called Carolina Espresso that's on the way to work. We just drive in, get my fix, and head on over to work. It's brilliant. But, (there's always a but to these stories) my wonderfully delicious 32 oz. Hazelnut Latte comes with a hefy price tag -- $6.26, and we usually throw in a $.50 tip for good measure. So, I'm at $120 a month just for coffee. I feel like such a yuppie (but I don't buy ANYTHING else, really I don't!)

So, I've talked him into letting me titrate the dose. I could only have coffee three days this week. Next week two until I am finally weaned from the habit. Soon there will be no coffee for me. :(

Way Back Wednesday

I'm sitting at work wondering if I'll make it through. The boss is away on vacation this week. If I were in any other position, I might rejoice and dance naked in the streets. (looking down at flabby white tummy) Uhhhh...better nix that idea. But, just because it's me, I get double the work load while he works on his tan in Mexico.

Mexico. I've never even seen Mexico.

---

I don't feel very witty today. I guess I'm just stressed out about life and other necessary inconveniences. I'm sitting on the brink of 30 and wondering how my life will end up. I want children more than anything, but I wonder if that will ever happen for me. Well, us. My hubby is involved in it too. It comes down to health and finances. Do we have enough to support a kid? What about the cost of adoption (a real possibility for us)?