Deity Affinity

Recently, I have felt an awakening inside. Something tugging on my spirit. And it almost feels right.

I say that I am a spiritualist - yet, I don't relate to religion at all. I don't like the pomp, the circumstance, the show of organized religion. I am beginning to believe that maybe just finding a personal relationship with the divine universe would suit me fine. The Mother Earth. The Goddess inside. I can truly see a personal alter stashed in my corner, casting my circle, calling the elements, feeling a rise in energy from the very air that surrounds me. I'm sure my husband would look at me funny if I told him any of this.

I'm considering following a nature-based pagan dogma.

I'm feeling stirrings from Brigid - the Celtic Goddess of Fire, Blacksmiths, Wells, Springs and Poets.

I'm an Aries - pure fire sign if there ever was. Blacksmiths work with iron and steel - hardened metal and strength - forged in fire, tempered by water. Wells and springs nourish our bodies and quench our thrists. They also wash away the ills and negativity of the everyday fuck-yous that accumulate. Is there anything more cleansing than a nice long hot shower?

And of poets....that I am, that I always have been.

Finding My Tribe

Where do I fit in this world? Anything I could say about myself just labels me. To the rest of the world it just puts me in a box complete with a nice pretty calligraphy label, all tied-up ready to go on the shelf. Who am I, really? Here are my labels. My tribes. The boxes in which the world thinks I belong.

30-something
Wife
Childless, possibly Infertile
Fat
Pro-choice
PCOS
Liberal
Wage-Slave
Feminist, maybe.
Religiously-ambivilent (Christian/Wiccan/Pagan)

Cherry Picking

Sometimes life is like a bowl of cherries....
The spittle covered pits and broken stems discarded in the bottom of the bowl after someone has had their fill.

That sounds so depressing. Doesn't it? I don't feel classically depressed at the moment. Yet, I know that that is exactly what is wrong with me. The insommnia. The headaches. The constant need to keep something in my mouth. That feeling that my day would be so much better if I spent it at home, under the covers with my little white dog beside me.

No thoughts of razor blades, but still...I'm just not feeling up to the day to day grind that is life. I doubt that even an insanely huge cup of Starbucks Toffee Nut Latte could kickstart this ass into Neutral.

Just rolling along. I'm beginning to think that's all life is. Bypassing all the things that I thought I wanted and needed. Putting those desires of my heart further and further into the future. Time does indeed keep on slipping, slipping, slipping into the future....